I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
