Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
