You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
