final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
