Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Randomize
