I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
