Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
