The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize