I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
