we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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