i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
