I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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