I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
