I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
