so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
