Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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