Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
