you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
