You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
