theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
