He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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