Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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