Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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