You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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