I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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