I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
