we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
