I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
