Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Congratulations! We have a period
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