I think I won the penis lottery.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
