I smell stomach acid.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
