The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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