Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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