Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
