Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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