There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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