In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
