I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
