It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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