I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
