dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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