it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
