you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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