I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
