I must be too annoying 4 u.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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