last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize