My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
