Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
