I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize