It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize
