Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
