dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
