I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
