The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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