the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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