Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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