There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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