I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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