They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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