ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
