Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
