God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
