the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
