i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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