Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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