He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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