i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
