Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just want nice things and good sex
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
