Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
