you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
