im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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