Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
