I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
