he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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