I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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