luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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