i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
